Preparing for the launch of Schmeckel Coin has really gotten my entrepreneurial juices flowing. Lucrative business ideas are popping up left and right, at a rate far faster than I can keep up with.

As a gift to my readers, I’m providing these ideas free of charge. However, if one or multiple of these is executed and successful, I will sue.

Idea #1: “The Clog-Free Toilet”

We’ve all been there. We all know how humiliating is it when the plumbing system in place can’t handle the load you’ve just dropped.

Currently, besides adding fiber to your diet, the only solution to this problem involves manual pumping with a plunger — a large suction-cup on a stick.

Not anymore.

While the primitive plunger has been due for an update for decades, a modernized, high-tech version would be a nightmare to market.

No one wants to be an early adopter of this Smart–Plunger technology. People are concerned about the message a high-tech plunger sends to their guests who would use the restroom and discover an iPoop next to the toilet.

Because you’re basically screaming to the world: “I POOP!”

“A LOT! And a regular plunger doesn’t work for me because my turds are HUGE!”

So we left the plunger alone and shifted our focus elsewhere.

Without getting too technical, this product is essentially a garbage disposal for your toilet.

With our patented Shit-Shredder 6000 technology, you can say goodbye to the days of using a wire hanger to partition your poop, dissect your deuce, or tear up your turd. Just push the button, and watch the magic happen.

Idea #2: “The Highway Breast Stop”

Hear me out on this. It’s not what it sounds like.

This is a dairy-lover’s dream.

In essence, The Highway Breast Stop is a taproom for all sorts of milks.

But here’s the kicker – all the milk taps on the wall are designed to look like breasts of all shapes and sizes – depending on the thickness and flavor of the milk it produces.

With a gentle caress and a firm squeeze, milk emerges straight from the nipple and out into the cup.

Picture it: truckers would pull off at the Highway Breast Stop to unwind with a tall glass of skim milk fresh from the breast, before returning to the road.

Spring breakers returning home after 4 nights of partying at the beach, stopping in to rejuvenate their bodies and minds with a round of 2% for the whole squad.

A couple spending a romantic evening together pull in to share a glass of fresh chocolate milk with 2 straws.

I also envision a possible partnership with a cereal stand, who can set up shop in the taproom on weekends sampling their cereal and offering pairing suggestions with our milks.

Idea #3: “The Yo-yo-yo”

An enhanced version of the classic toy, the Yo-yo-yo shoots out a second yo-yo when the string is fully extended, doubling the potential for tricks.

Idea #4: “The Daffodoodle”

April showers bring May flowers. But with the Spring bloom comes the dusting of pollen, triggering millions of people across the globe to be affected by seasonal allergies.

The solution for this is simple, but its something that Big Pharma, namely Claritin, has lobbied against for years in order to keep the population dependent on their product.

But the future is inevitable. The future is the Daffodoodle.

The Daffodoodle is a genetically modified organism that combines the DNA of a flower with that of a Poodle.

This is based on the same science that was used to create the Golden-Doodle. Adding the Poodle’s genetic code to a Golden Retriever creates a curly coated dog who will not shed, solving allergy problems for millions.

But the Doodlization of America was only getting started.

These Poodles are mating with Labradors, Bernese Mountain Dogs, Sheepdogs, and more- creating new “doodle-ized” breeds that are hypoallergenic, just like the Daffodoodle.

While the science still is catching up, experts project that up to 70% of all flowers will be hypoallergenic by 2032.

Idea #5: “OnlyFans.Org”

OnlyFans.Org is an online retailer specializing in all your fan needs: industrial fans, ceiling fans, oscillating pedestal fans, window fans, etc.

This is a simple business of course, but the genius comes from the domain name.

If you’re unfamiliar with OnlyFans.COM – its basically a site where horny dudes pay money to watch girls strip on webcam.

Our site, OnlyFans.ORG, is bound to get a few of these dudes who mistakenly click our link, and we will take full advantage of that.

The goal for our site’s home screen is to be a bit ambiguous. It will puposely be designed so that it is not 100% obvious that these guys have clicked the wrong site.

To accomplish this, the page will be littered with images of bikini models with their hair blowing in the wind produced from our various fans.

The first clickable link on the screen will be labeled, “Top – Rated Blow Jobs”, speaking of course to the double entendre of a fan blowing air, and the common slang term for fellatio. The link will take the user to our list of top rated fans.

When a model is selected, the image will expand, and the fan’s specs will be listed in small print, while the larger font asks for credit card information.

Depending on their shipping selection, the fan will leave our warehouse to be delivered within 5-7 business days.

Idea #6: “Who Smelt It Dealt It”

‘Who Smelt It Dealt It’ is an app similar to Shazam, that can identify who in the room farted.

The app would include functionality with Siri, allowing users to simply ask the question, “Hey Siri, who ripped ass?”

“Let me check on that..”

The room waits in eager anticipation while our advanced system processes the sound, smell, and proximity of the vibration source.

“The most recent flatulence was produced at 7:57 PM by Becky.”

The app also gives the option for users to enable push notifications, alerting them to a “silent but deadly” that the room may have missed.

In addition, the app can be synced with any social media and has the capability to post on behalf of the user in real time with the fart.