My parents hosted Thanksgiving at their house this year and there were quite a few out-of-town guests staying over. I took off work and drove up to their house the day before the holiday to spend some quality time with the 12 visiting family members.
I walked into the house to a enthusiastic greeting from the family dog, followed by the line of smiling faces and awkward hello hugs to Aunts, Uncles, and cousins I haven’t seen in years.
And that’s what we do. We go down the line from one to the other hugging and squeezing and patting each other’s backs with a “Hello!”, “So good to see you!”, “Wow you’ve gotten so tall!”
“Wow you’ve gotten so tall!” People used to tell me this growing up, and I remember thinking, “No shit. I was 6 last time you saw me.”
My Grandma of course gave me the biggest hug of them all. She’s big on making a kiss noise (“Mmmwah”) next to my ear without actually kissing my cheek.
At the back of the line was my mom, who I could tell was already a little stressed out from having 12 people stay in her house.
I hugged my mom and within minutes, she, my grandma, my sister and one of my aunts ran off to go to the grocery store, leaving me alone with the out-of-towners.
At 25 years old, I’m the oldest of all the cousins. There are 8 of us in total, and I’m the only “adult” of the bunch, the rest are still finishing school.
A group of us sat down around the kitchen table.
It was quiet.
We were past the hellos and the initial small talk. My grandpa was already asleep in his chair. Even the dog was looking around, wondering who was going to talk first.
“Uh, so how’s school?” I ask. A question I used to dislike being asked, but someone had to break the silence.
“Good.” 6 cousins say in unison. (Not really, but that’s the gist of it)
“Good.”
More silence.
One of my uncles makes a clicking noise with his tongue for no reason.
“Max, how’s work?” Asks my aunt. A question that I’m still learning how to answer.
“Yeah its good… its busy!” I say with a fake laugh. “But uhhhh, still learning a lot and uhh – you know… networking, meeting a lot of people… So yeah, its fine. It’s good- It’s good.”
My aunt and my other uncle chime in and they continued to ask questions about work, so I fire back.
“How’s your work?”
“Good.” 2 uncles and an aunt say in unison. (Again, the gist of it).
“Good.”
And then I realize something.
I don’t know what any of my aunts or uncles do for a living.
My heart started beating. Surely I know what their job is, what they spend their lives working on?
“Uncle Rick, remind me again what you do?” I ask.
He explains. I zone out.
“Ah that’s right.”
Damn it Max. So I still have no idea what he does. Or what my other uncle does. Or either of my aunts.
And I can’t ask the rest of them now; I just used up my “remind me” line on Uncle Rick.
Plus it’s far too late to ask. I’ve known them for 25 years, and spent 15+ Thanksgivings with them.
They change the subject, but I’m only halfway engaged in the conversation. My head is spinning. I excuse myself to the restroom to search for them on LinkedIn on my phone. No results.
Discouraged, I return to the kitchen table. Is this something I’ll just have to live with forever?
Just when I was losing hope, the first miracle happened.
My aunt was telling me a story while I smiled and nodded, totally preoccupied thinking about what her profession could be, and I happened to catch a few words.
“… And then one of my students…”
It took a second longer than it should have, but then it registered.
‘One of my students’. She has students…
She’s a teacher!!! That’s right. I make a quick note in my phone.
And then not even 2 minutes later, the next miracle:
Unprovoked, Uncle Rick explains how they have to leave early on Friday morning so that his wife can get back to work. “Macy’s is obviously slammed on Black Friday”.
She works at Macy’s! I knew that.
In fact, I still have some of the sample bottles of cologne she gave me in like 2010 that she got for free from Macy’s. I’ve sprayed myself twice (Prom night, and a movie date when I didn’t feel like showering. Went 0-2).
There’s hope now. I can figure this out. It’s like a big game of “Guess Who” but with occupations instead of people’s faces.
I’m visualizing the board in my head. I’ve got just under 48 hours to figure this out, and so far, the answers I had been looking for have fallen into my lap.
Before I can get any further with my investigation, my dad gets home from work and the whole family lines up to greet him in the same hug formation as before.
But I’m feeling pretty good at this point. I’m slowly knocking down jobs on the Guess Who board.
My Uncle Andy mentioned his dermatologist in conversation, so I know he’s not a dermatologist. And Uncle Rick talked about his daughter’s piano lessons, so I know he’s not a piano instructor. It wasn’t a lot, but it was a start.
And then finally that night, miracle #3:
My cousin was showing us pictures from their family trip to London. When she got to the end of the album, she scrolled one photo too far. It was a selfie of her eating cereal in the kitchen at her house.
She laughed and quickly closed out of it and locked her phone… but not before a small detail caught my eye.
“Wait, stop!” I exclaimed.
Everyone looked at me.
“Go back to that,” I commanded.
“Okaaaay?” Said my cousin.
Very unsure, she pulled back up the cereal selfie.
Aha. There it was. In the background, her dad, my Uncle Andy, sitting on a computer, presumably working from home.
And there – on his laptop, was a decal with a company name and logo.
“Send me that picture.”
The family was very confused, but I didn’t care. I was a man on a mission. My cousin sent the picture and I was in business.
After a zoom-in on the decal, and a detailed search of the internet, I uncover that Uncle Andy does some sort of work in Real Estate. Boom. That’s good enough.
As I laid in bed that night, I reflected on the day. I figured out 3 out of the 4 missing occupations, with only Uncle Rick left, the uncle who earlier I asked point blank what he does for a living… What did he say?
I tried to replay the conversation in my head, but all I heard was “Roar” by Katy Perry, which had been stuck in my head for days at that point.
After a night of tossing and turning and feeling uneasy about this whole situation, I was up early.
I went downstairs into the kitchen to make some coffee. By some twist of fate, Uncle Rick was up as well, and we found ourselves one-on-one in the kitchen.
My heart started beating again. This was it. Now or never.
The visualization of the guess-who board came back into my head. So far I’ve only eliminated Piano Instructor and Chef, after watching him burn the broccoli the night before. I needed to ask him a solid question that would eliminate a lot of possibilities from the board.
“Uncle Rick, what was your major in college?” I asked.
“I was a finance major, believe it or not,” said Uncle Rick.
Ok, finance. That’s a start. I eliminate all medical fields from my imaginary Guess-Who board.
But I’m hung up on the ‘Believe it or not’ part. What does he mean by ‘believe it or not’? Why would I not believe it? Does his field have nothing to do with finance? So I prod further.
“So what was your first job?” I asked.
“Well, I started off in sales. But obviously I changed paths quite a bit along the way when I went back to school and everything.”
Back to school? Wait. Did I jump the gun by eliminating the medical field professions? I flip all those occupations back up on the board in my head just in case.
‘And everything’? That literally means he could be doing anything. I was basically back to square one.
And then it hit me.
The question to end all questions. No way he could answer this without telling me what it is he does or at least giving me some serious clues.
“So what was your full path to get to where you are today?” I asked proudly.
He started:
“Well, when I quit my sales job, I knew I wanted to -“
And then it started:
‘I got the eye of the tiger, the fighter, dancing through the fire.
Cause I am the champion. And you’re gonna hear me roar’
“And then after 4 years working with Penske, I -“
‘Rooarrrr Orr Orr Orr Orr Orr or-or-or.
Rooarrrr Orr Orr Orr Orr Orr or-or-or.
Rooarrrr Orr Orr Orr Orr Orr or-or-or.
You’re gonna hear me roar.’
“And that’s how I got to where I am now.”
I Just Realized Something 